Life & Happiness

Learning to live at your own life pace

I came to a pretty important realisation in my life recently.

I don’t want to settle down yet.

This was a pretty huge moment for me. You see, my whole life I always thought I would be the kind of person who would settle down at a young age, get married and have children fairly young.Β (By young, I mean 25, which is the age I am now. I personally think this is really young, but I’m young at heart so I think it’s all relative!) I also thought I would leave school, go to university, find a job and stay in it, working my way up, and just live a happy, settled life with my family.

Interestingly, the universe had other plans for me.

It’s only now that I’m fully and genuinely happy that my life took a very different turn. I have been single for a few years now and it took a good six months to a year to become happy with this circumstance. After another year I decided I wanted a relationship. However, the moment I began getting into a new relationship, I realised very suddenly that I really didn’t want that at all.

Now I am single by choice, not circumstance. It doesn’t sound like much of a distinction, but the difference is huge. It has completely changed my perspective – I am now the most excited I have ever been about my life, the choices I have in front of me, the possibilities that the future holds.

I realised that I’d unintentionally been getting caught up with the idea of a ‘life clock’, which society has taught us to live our lives by.

As soon as you finish university, or school, people ask what your career is going to be. As soon as you find a partner, people ask when you’re going to get married. As soon as you are married, people ask when you’re going to have a family. It seems that as soon as you complete one ‘life milestone’, everyone is on at you to complete the next one, like it’s a race to the finish line, or some sort of checklist you need to tick off.

Why is everyone in such a hurry?

One of the biggest things I have learned over recent years is to not get caught up in what everyone else is doing in their lives. I know a lot of people judge themselves based on what they see others doing – especially on social media, as this is a place where people inevitably post the ‘highlights reel’ of their lives – and can get quite down about where they are in life.

I definitely used to be that person. I felt like I should be married or have children by a certain age or I would have failed at life.

Strangely, now that several of my friends are beginning to get married, buy houses with their partners and have children, I’m happier than ever with my stage in life. I love seeing my friends reach their goals and start new and exciting chapters in their lives. I feel so honoured to be a part of it all and I love sharing in their plans and their happiness.

At some point I definitely want all of those things, but right now, I’m so content to be just where I am, with no ties.

Learning not to compare yourself to others is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I’ve literally never felt so relaxed and happy in my whole life. I even worried more about where my life was going when I was a child! Granted, I have suffered with anxiety my whole life, so I was a huge worrier as a little sprog…but still!

I felt compelled to write this post, as I am very aware that there are probably so many people out there worrying about where they are going in life, when they should be having kids, whether they should be earning a certain amount at a certain age. I am firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if you’re not where you thought you would be at your age, that’s absolutely fine! You just have to recognise that things happen for different people at different times and let go of the timeline that society has made us feel like we should follow.

Stop worrying guys. What is meant to be will be. Where you are right now is exactly where you’re supposed to be. Who knows where you’ll be in another year?

How exciting is that?!

Carrie x

22 thoughts on “Learning to live at your own life pace

  1. What a lovely post Caroline,

    I can remember being like this and worried that having a family was going to pass me by, strangely enough it was when I stopped worrying and just accepted where I was, that it all started to happen.

  2. This has literally resonated so much with me! I had a life plan of being married by 25 and kids a few years later, I turn 25 next year and I’m so happy to be single- I’ve decided to be single by choice too! What is meant to be will be is the most amazing mantra. Thanks for the fantastic post!

    xo Molly

    http://www.mollyyrees.com

  3. I love this bit: “Now I am single by choice, not circumstance. It doesn’t sound like much of a distinction, but the difference is huge. It has completely changed my perspective – I am now the most excited I have ever been about my life, the choices I have in front of me, the possibilities that the future holds.”
    It resonated with me SO much and there is such a huge distinction between being single by choice or by circumstance – a massive, massive distinction.
    This is such a fantastic piece, my favourite you’ve ever done! It’s personal and full of confidence and independence – not to mention how well it is written. I love your perspective and am currently working through my own heartbreak because of similar reasons – this piece was just what I needed to read and I just want to give you a massive hug right now!
    Thank you SO much for writing this piece, incredible writer! X
    (just wish I was on my phone so I could add some cute little emoji’s!)

    1. Aw wow thank you so much my love! Really means a lot and I’m so glad you relates to it and found it useful in the time you’re at in your life 😊 I always like to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and sometimes not getting what you want is the biggest stroke of luck!

      Carrie x
      http://www.thelipsticktrail.com

  4. As usual, I love your posts! So true, I told myself last year that I need to stop dwelling on things that are happening at the moment because you’re so right – things can be completely different next year! x

    1. So much can change in even 6 months! I think for me, I had to work out what goals I had for myself and decide which ones to prioritise first. We can’t do everything at once so we have to just be cool with the fact that everything that is supposed to happen, will 😊

      Thanks for the love as usual!

      Carrie x
      http://www.thelipsticktrail.com

    1. Yes please do! I think a lot of people feel it once they get into their twenties and also after finishing uni. Everyone starts going off in different directions and moving at different paces and you can start to wonder if you should be doing what your friends are doing.

      Thanks for your comment!

      Carrie x
      http://www.thelipsticktrail.com

  5. I relate so much to this! I actually wrote something similar on my blog about perfectionism (see here: http://girlingamba.com/how-to-be-a-perfectionist/). I think as a perfectionist sometimes we’ve created a dream life for ourselves but it’s important to understand that dreams do change. Everyone’s journey is completely different but it’s so hard not to compare yourself to others. Thanks for reminding me that it’s okay to live life at my own pace.

    -GG
    http://www.girlingamba.com

  6. I really love this post, and I love how you phrased I’m single by choice and it circumstance! I can definitely understand why it’s good for taking person time x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

  7. Love your post. Totally can relate to it. Stop worrying about what everyone else’s doing with their lives, worry about yours and live it the way you want πŸ€“πŸ€“

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